JohanniValerio

Professor Ewan

FIQWS

6 March 2019

Being Bilingual Has Its Struggles

    When you speak more than one language notably you feel proud especially if one of them is spokenin the country you were born in. But then there are people like me who are bilingual but did not learn my native language. When you migrate to a new country you get that cultural shock, that feeling that this environment is different from your native home. This is the story of when I struggled in speaking and writing in Spanish because of  speaking English for much of my life. This is my struggle on being bilingual.

When I came to the United States, I was a toddler who didn’t speak any language. I only talked with my sister a language developed by twins known as Cryptophasia. I was a toddler who only communicated with my sister that was a problem and when I went to a specialist with my mother, sister and I were diagnosed with Delayed Speech or Language Development for a brief period. When the teacher came to teach me, she taught me how to speak English, while my mother had it translated into Spanish. There was a language barrier here, but I did learn Spanish from my mother. But everything around me except my mother and grandfather was all in English. Throughout my early years in school my literacy skills advanced in English and unfortunately went backward when speaking Spanish. When you are bilingual,  people believe both languages you are speaking just grew on you, but for me, it was an obstacle I didn’t notice until I was older. During my initial years of primary school, English was the language we would write in, speak, and read books in. There was never a time where Spanish was spoken unless my mom would come for a parent-teacher conference. It was hard to speak with mom at home because I would mix up the phrases, and not understand her. I spoke so much English that Spanish was a language I barely spoke. At school, we would read books like Charlotte’s Web, The Cat in the Hat, Where the Wild Things Are which were all in English. I didn’t notice that when I would speak with my mother my Spanish was confusing to understand. I didn’t feel ashamed because I was young and wasn’t aware of it yet. In fourth grade, on Mother’s Day I was supposed to write a letter for my mother, to thank her for being my role model, for caring for me, and being someone I can always count on. It was full of love, glitter and my mother loved it. The issue was that it was in English. My mother couldn’t understand it I couldn’t properly translate it to her, and that was the point when I began to notice this language barrier I have created between my mother and me. After this event, I began to notice how much English I read, and how little I pronounce Spanish words properly. Every book from RJ Palacio’s Wonder, to reading Marjane Satrapi’s Persepolis, strengthened my English than my Spanish.

While reading Satrapi’s book throughout  the summer, I would talk to my Mom about how it dealt with the Iranian Revolution and how Marjane when she was a teenager like me and that’s when she noticed my Spanish and she told me “Johanni, I remember how crazy your Spanish was as a child, you’re speaking much better now.” It made me want to speak this language that connects to my family. It became my goal to speak it at home and in public and to be able to be used to understanding it. I would strengthen my Spanish by translating for my mother in parent-teacher conferences, doctor appointments, and  at any time I could help her. The soap operas I would watch helped as well learn the different types of Spanish there is ways Dominicans speak Spanish and how Colombians speak Spanish. It was an effort that allowed me to reach my goal. When I reached the last year in middle school, for a short time in school, we had Spanish as one of our classes. The textbooks and sentences within them, like “Es hora del almuerzo Mamá!”, helped me navigate through in a dual-language world. I am getting older and thankfully I became aware that this was a language I drifted away from.

I am a high school student now, and a tutor who recently taught a Spanish student. I believed this was going to cause a struggle, but as I read, every assignment she gave the Spanish came out perfectly. My mom looked at me proudly. I never expected to teach a student a language that I struggled for years. I read books like The Cat in the Hat in Spanish. It made me feel more open to the world I felt closer to my Mother. I will never forget in speech class we were assigned a demonstrative speech to write about. It took time to think about a topic my teacher Professor Prado will accept. I choose to write about a Dominican dessert “Arroz con leche“. There was a lot of Spanish I had to speak while reading my speech, and it was nerve reckoning. This assignment was due in two weeks, and I needed my mother’s help. Throughout this time I was Speaking and typing Spanish it gave me bravery. It was an assignment that made me forget about the struggle I had with learning Spanish and just read all the ingredients with the flow and not issues. When it was the day to present I felt bravery of easily switching from Spanish to English that I haven’t noticed the reading comprehension I had with my mother language.

My classmates felt connected with me as many of them also were bilingual with Spanish and English, showing a connection I’ve created with the students in this class about public  speaking. As I passed the sample of my recipe, there was a connection I had with this Speech I’ve never had with an assignment, that hasn’t impacted me since the fourth grade Mother’s day card. The struggles we have in life make us stronger. The struggle I had was the Spanish I drifted from reading books like the Fault in our Stars by John Green. Now I am watching Spanish only shows ‘writing in Spanish for forms improved my literacy skills. I will always be connected to how Palacio narrated the story of a young boy with a facial deformity who struggles with going to an actual school for the first time because of his condition. Eventually, this story leaves us with a success Auggie from Wonder had in school, teaching is not only is there hope when there’s but like what Auggies mom said at the end of the book “he is a wonder”. It made me think how this book connects to me.

There was this struggle in school, to fit in, to feel normal its similar to how my lack of understanding Spanish made me feel this way. Books like this get to you it makes you find a way to connect to them. He was coming of age as he entered middle school I was also coming to the age when I became aware of my struggles with knowing both English and Spanish are  struggles of being someone who speaks two language. One will be stronger than the other.